~ Sweet Melancholy*--

2010-03-15T00:30:00.001+08:00

luxury cubic ring-52-x24483

2010-03-14T02:17:00.001+08:00

baggy fit roll-up denim PT-41-K07393

2010-01-11T23:00:00.001+08:00

i want to make livejournal. im sick of blogger.

this feels really old and everyth.

i want it afresh.

teach me to make one lj, someone?

2009-11-15T01:22:00.003+08:00

my right hand is bigger than my left hand,

the same bangle cant fit both ):

fri = butterfac

yes i almost didnt get in. long story

my arms are aching cause i went kayaking today.

michael had a really awesome cool dance performance at school today.

sorry we were late ):

wish i could dance like them too. that strength/force/gentleness in every move

that flexibility and expression.

his school is totally like american highschool, lockers next to class rooms.

duh -.- no wonder its SAS.

anw this is my awesome weekend, im really enjoying it. i love it

pictures soon!

xoxo peace out

2009-11-10T02:56:00.002+08:00

please dont fall apart, :/

pictures will be up very soon, im lazy to upload them as usual. tehee.

anyway october has been a busy month, but ill be even busier in the upcoming months. events, schedules planned far ahead. my next 2 saturdays have already been booked! weekly routines just make me feel so drained and i need a break really. church musical practices frisbee church again, camps, meetups family time, parties, school&projs, winter league maybe. so much things and commitments to account for in so little time, i can feel the fatigueness im about to face and that feeling of just wanting time to stop. 24hours for urban-action-hectic-fast-moving-pace-society and civilisation is definitely not enough. i think im trying to juggle and cope and currently doing a pretty good job, cept for the fact that im always tired! ):

my lack of sleep and rest and eaten into me that ive gotten so used to sleeping near 3 everyday. this is bad. i feel like im going to grow old very quickly without my beauty sleep ): its been raining for the past few days and sometimes it does make me feel better.

so, i met amer today after school to chill out at town pretty late nearing 8 but we chilled talked ate, shopped, it was fun. like we've all grown up so much more than just those kids that use to know nothing but play in the school bus and those childish big quarrels we had. its like just a meetup that brought hearts closer again and i like this feeling. i know shes there for me :D

thank God class is at 1 tmw ends at 4 hopefully i wont be late! soooo tooodles [:

xoxo.

2009-10-06T01:28:00.004+08:00

oh & lastly to my team,

nyp ultimate go through, thick and thin,

have fun and do tough trg's tgt @ nyp swim meet (:

always encouraging & trusting

nyp ultimate girls, bonding outings :/

i hope that things will be better thats its not like this

P.S. TRY TO SPOT ME! HEH

bye!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

edit/.

freaking tired. i laid in bed at 245 but couldnt sleep toss for 40 mins.

decided to text kenneth & he called me.

talked for almost an hour and a half in think till 5?

then woke before 11 and dad sent me home.

i am so drained, thinking of all excuses to skip it but i know i have to go.

im tempted to lie on my bed which looks so comfortable.

today is an impt trg cause its games.

help me to train in game awareness cause i suck at it.

i know that this weekend will be a good one.

all the girly stuff to beautify myself.

nails hair face yes,

hang on deanna lim. God will help me.

rants, & memories

2009-10-06T00:27:00.007+08:00

i just feel like blogging since my new skin look so nice! LOL :X

i was looking at my posts in 2006,

& i really cannot believe the way i typed was like S-H-I-T, srsly.

embarassing but its memories i guess :/

i also realised those previous posts are lacking in pictures!

it kind of made me feel like digging out some old pictures from last year

starting from people i missed, things i did, and used to do,

i didnt manage to get the really OLD ONES cause its at the other computer

ill prolly do it at the same w time when im looking at those pics (:

this is joy: freaking miss her, used to be closer to her, chillin at her crib aye

and disturbing job. i got her older pics!

but not here ):

this is my ahlian CARISSA CHEE!

havent seen her at all since O's,

until we bumped at vivo the other day :/

chill out soon girl

my tuts NR0920 camwhore in lects hehehe (:

awesome people i miss!

did this collarge w gill when she stayed over my place,

& this girl is so freaking busy w promos

my bio buddy, gf, camwhore buddy in SJC, i miss her

i miss playing pool w cell peeps,

during O's holiday when we had so much time this was our weekly routine

job and i would fight till the end srsly.

this is prove, even right before O's the first paper chem,

STILL at pool and i rmb on my birthday i had that chem paper ):

when i havent even finish mugging

baking at izzie's 6 hours straight till morning,
WE WILL NEVER BAKE AGAIN AT HER PLACE SRSLY.
but i guess we had fun, doing icings and stuff (:

the product (:

this is freaking old, look at my skin colour,
i went 2 tones down for real ):
maybe this was exactly a year ago.

early this year w gladys

this is it, im doneee finally,
anw i cant wait for cousins to come back from hongkong this thurs!
miss them to bitssssss really.
ill upload their pics soon.
and this sat is aunts wedding,
im overjoyed, staying at sentosa's hotel till this sunday!
nails on wed/friday :D
but im still not sure if im going church this sunday :/
but i want to celebrate birthday w them ):

i just rmb i havent done my journal shit im so screwed.
i hope mike comes on time to help meeeee plsssss. gah.
i pray tmw at trg i wont suck, i wont panic, i wont stress or nervous,
ill be calm, let God handle it.
& i just hope i do my best and coach wont screw meeee.

hate all those freaking pt, run ard school ):
and im sad i cant make it for GHS ):
but i know they will all give their 110%

okay bye!

SKINS

2009-10-05T01:02:00.001+08:00

yay, finally done w new skin (:

love this girl! (: -random

2009-09-17T00:48:00.002+08:00

so many times i just want to get away from this society.

a break from everyth else that leads to reality.

its really tiring like i just wish for a day i just dont need to think about all these things.

i need more civilisation.

and i just need to watch a movie.

that could explain how out of life im in right now.

sometimes i ask myself what am i doing this for.

im stressed pressured and discouraged.

in a period of uncertainty, i just need to hang on.

i pray that this will just only be a passing phrase, not eternity.

im doubtful but i heard my grandma said this,

if you dont believe yourself how can others believe you.

sometimes i find it so true but i still find myself yet again, not believing, lacking of confidence.

why am i so unsure, where is my drive, my motivation, my passion.

i need that fire. i feel so sian.

2009-08-22T00:50:00.002+08:00

my havainas slippers spoilt in less than 2 months i think?

it freaking broke in school while i was walking.

seriously, what is the world coming to.

embarassing shit.

its suppose to last

now, i need a new one, i have no time to shop.

its exams, and im still hesistating if i should get the same one.

SIGH.

STRESS, SWAY, SHIT.

2009-08-18T00:48:00.002+08:00

seriously wanna kill myself now.

im so super busy now, mugging for exams.

and today was so-so productive mugging in the lib.

omg, and studying with mike + kenneth is a no-no.

they will just go on talking non stop. GAH.

i have socio exam on wed, psycho exam on thurs.

sigh, this explains how stressed i am.

i have 13 more lectures to study for socio.

at lib today, jamal brought his usb ipod cable.

IT IS SERIOUSLY JINXED.

am so sway, regretted using it ):

my 1.5k songs accumuated over the years all gone.

gladys and jamals ipod both jam and hanged.

sigh, this is just my luck.

oh welll, am going to chiong now.

tooodles! (:

2009-07-20T00:10:00.002+08:00

so i've been wondering;

like if people do actually stay happy tgt forever?

at some point we just need to knw the answer.

i think that relationships are very hard to manage,

like everyone of us has a desire to want our relationships to last long.

and sometimes, we're so uncertain, afraid of what really lies ahead.

if he/she is just the right one or if

like 10 years into a r/s is it even possible in that hell long of a time to still have those feelings that couples use to have for each other when it first started off?

why do breakups exist then if we have strong desires to stay tgt for long, why.

why do things change with time?

i dont think that love is a feeling at all.

if love is a feeling then i think r/s will NEVER last.

i see this happening all the time around me,

it makes me wonder.

2009-07-09T19:54:00.006+08:00

heyheyhey [:

so i had my last practical test for HS1091 module.

freaking happy, i hate this module.

but anw, i passed it! weehoo

during th test it was so stupid.

i cant believe i broke the syringe -.-

prompted like about 6 or 7 times can! ugh.

-omg. brother just went hysterical. SCREAMED at the top of his voice.

high pitched. omg. hahaha. coool (:

i miss all my girlfrs,

hangouts, bitching, girl talk, doing retarded things aft school. ahhhhh ):

texting in class under my schoolbag, doodling on friends hands and legssss.

clique pictures and lunches.

slacking and towning in school uniform.

mugging late at night in school and all.

things and the culture is way so different in poly.

im adapting well i can say.

i want it to be a place that i can create many memories that ill carry for life.

--------------------------------------------------------------

time to move on. -

im afraid of what lies in future, honestly.

i wish i get my ideal future. hahaha.

i have to cherish every moment i have now, before its too late.

random: i love you mummy!

i love everyone i love, just to let you know.

xoxo, D

2009-06-30T23:56:00.002+08:00

hi guys.

so i havent really had the time to really update.

im very very very super sorrry.

im like stuck at this stupid essay. idk why either,

i just want to get it done and over with.

and elearning is just ????????

ive had frisbee tourney on sunday.

and it was great experience.

learnt alot, really realised alot of things i need to improve and work on.

stayed ovr at G's on saturday.

quite hilarious. [:

love that biatch man. heeeee.

movie w G and LB at ps.

frisbee juniors had one at 2 and seniors at 5.

more of the bonded ones.

------------------------------------------------------------------

you know what,

sometimes i really dont knw what to feel.

i just dont want to try anymore.

trying is tiring okay.

im going w whatever that comes along the way.

even if i have that unwanted, expected outcome,

and i know ill prolly be upset.

then ill just let it be.

im just hoping things will change for the better.

i know one day things will change.

nothing ever stays the same.

time always makes things change.

time heals wounds.

xoxo, D

2009-06-14T23:50:00.000+08:00

i know someday this has to stop.

and i knw when it comes; it might hurt.

no or rather it definitely will.

this is why we should invest on cameras.

2009-05-31T03:46:00.005+08:00

THIS SPELLS LOVE [:

pizzaparty @nats on friday.

peektures up soon.

my brain is really going crazy.

seriously, why does such a sucky feeling ever exist?

i miss my friends, i miss everyth that wasnt the same before this.

i have so many things left unsaid, undone, unshared.

my friendships taken so long to be built up,

dashed away by busyness of life,

taken away by the hecticness of this society.

whywhywhy? what is this.

I HATE THIS.

no it shouldnt be like this.

part of me hopes for someth different.

maybe like a miracle to happen which is impossible. gah.

i was watching television today.

and part of it, someone said someth that stuck me.

i find a part of myself in that line she said.

im investing on cameras because its always worth it.

i need that lomo cam to shoot down my memories.

i love photgraphs because time stops in that instant,

in that picture. nothing ever changes in there.

it will always be the same, no matter how you look at it.

the happy times are always nostalgic and touching.

like theres only one of that moment in the whole universe.

& this is all i have left, now.

xoxo

FRISBEEEEE.

2009-05-28T00:56:00.005+08:00

so like yesterday was rlly funny!

like, i meet dilli on th way out and dragged him back into school for frisbee

YES I KNOW IM DAMN AWESOME! :x

went to business block and they were in th tut room.

playing chopchilli and umum chuckie chuckie.

i swear it was so hilarious, seriously.

i forgot who has the video.

and Dilli keeps screwing up chopchilli lah.

TODAY.

anw, i totally overslept todays 2 hr bio lect.

GAHHHH ):

crap, i should stop sleeping late.

anw, i got to school ard 11.

then slacked till 12 and went for an hour of lab practice.

YES, IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

deanna lim can finally master BP taking :D

but ive yet to be sure of the other skills.

heng my prac test not on mon or i die ok.

teehee.

then frisbee at 430 to 930

today super awesome and fun luh.

no one booked the fields except us.

so we had 5 hrs of training on the whole big field.

and we challenged the seniors, w vertical stack too.

marking on defense is SOSOSO tiring. run like crap.

esp marking the seniors is like o-m-g.

but the good thing is,

they're all very very encouraging and fun.

its kind of funny.

because, its kind of exciting and a good experience to challenge w them,

but then, its like,

your throws will suck sometimes,

you will get nervous and your mind can panic when the opponent store counts

and you will be like super slow on the field

and be tired out cause of running and constantly marking.

and sometimes you can go clueless a lil.

or not even being able to touch the disc.

(cause the guys are damn sexist, only males throw to males :X) LOL

BUT ITS FUN. its like you will go woah,

everytime you see the seniors throw the disc so perfectly.

you just want to be more like them.

but im not confident, in my mind, i keep thinking i suck.

thats why i cant attack,

i dont take initiative or like, go forward daringly.

im still trying thou :/

BUT WE WON THE SENIORS 5 TIMES.

its a super great big achievement kay.

anw, it was a super great day, slacked @ macs w joel& co.

then home-d

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

btw, frisbee bbq gathering @ ben's place.

we're gna ton i think :/

hohoho. i hope i can go

xoxo

2009-05-26T23:53:00.003+08:00

today i received a text. To you;

i hate it that i have to try; can you see?

i really hate it.

i dont want to try. or be a certain way.

unknwingly, im losing myself.

you should knw me well enough to understand that im not ever going to look back.

chances are not easy and free.

i promised myself, i wont make myself feel that way.

i promised myself that i will be who i am.

im not afraid to tell you this.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

so, i was rather easily irritable today.

but im so glad i felt i did well to manage these emotions.

i did my best to be happy from my heart.

frisbee was awesome and fun today

xoxo

2009-05-26T16:03:00.002+08:00

HEYHEYHEY! [:

so ive no school today cause its SHS ELEARNING DAY :D

i've fin those stuff that i needed to.

anw, dad, bro and i have decided to go cycling at the park on sunday!!

cant wait!! its been super long since we last did that [:

ohoh, & movie too.

on the side note, ill be going back to school later for FRIZBEEEXXZX

hahaha, i hope today will be fun, really.

YESTERDAY.

was a great day @ school.

i had only an hour of lect in the morning then im FREE

slacked at macs w lydia, aisha, ming and uh hanying :D

while waiting for jo to fin her ica meeting at lib.

then me & jo headed to town.

she got her tanks from topshop and i got my blue tee from topman :D

weeeee. shit, im spending alot ):

headed back to school for a bit then wenta meet joel @ hub.

he damn pig ok, wake up so late and i ahd to wait. hahaha.

develop peektures for his friends,

then back to town AGAIN.

ate @ cine first, cause we were both starving.

then walked ard to look for the present.

hahaha. was super tempted to shop luh.

and, im having slight cough now. and stupid running nose.

urgh ): i refuse to get sick

wish me well peeper :D

xoxo

2009-05-24T00:05:00.007+08:00

ME, AHLEE, LYDIA. :D

POSER BOYS w my bag :X

Joel

Dilli, jovyn

pet's birthday

This is the reason why i carry on.

i love my orange painting :D

see the boy carrying the chicken?

i wonder how many of us actually ever carried a chicken at that age.

if we could all live in simplicity without morden technology and just pure innocence and love.

what would it be like today?

see that expression on his face, filled w simple joy and happiness/

why couldnt we all live, such a carefree life.

life shouldnt be complicating at all.

i wish.

[:

2009-05-23T23:30:00.004+08:00

HELLO WORLD [:

currently very, addicted to two songs.

stuck w each other by shontelle, ft akon &&

insomnia by craig david. hah.

so, ill just update on my major highlights that i can remember, alright.

YESTERDAY

i was in bioscience lect yest and jo was so bored,

and we were abt to fall asleep, so she asked.

JO: IMAGINE IF YOUR PARENTS GOT MARRIED AND GAVE BIRTH TO YOU, AND THEN YOUR DAD DIVORCES YOUR MOM AND TURNS GAY WHAT WOULD YOU DO.

ME: WTH? LOL

omg right. i think i will just dig a huge hole and bury my head in it. hah.

yest i went to mike's place w kenneth, chris and ralene.

guitar hero was just play retarded but fun. LOL

i kept on eating! ):

headed to church for cell therafter and also celebrated pet's birthday :D

had cheesecake and candles lighted on top of the apples. cooool right (:

pictures all up above, OH.

INCLUDING THE BOYS WHO CARRIED MY BAG. hah. :X

TODAY

i got up @ 11

by the time the house was all empty. weird somehow,

headed to amk to lunch w jh and jason.

but ended up not eating :/ hahah.

then went to jasons house to nua.

and both of them were playing guitars and i was like so sleepy.

at abt 3 eventhough it looked like it was gna rain,

we went to play frisbee at the nearby playground.

then i just nice someth happened

jason: better dont throw too hard ah later go longkang

jh: *throws disc super high and away from me*

zoom, & there goes the disc in the canal. bad timing.

it was drizziling. lol

jh had to climb up the steep steps in the canal to get up.

so scary luh and he threw the frisbee into my face and it bounced back into the canal.

so had to pick it up again. lol

waited for chang and headed to bishan park to play.

a much better choice, but my throws werent that good either. :/

practiced a few proper catches and throws too.

damn nua so wasnt that fun but it was alright. lol

met yl @ j8 to dinner at pastamania after washing up :D

damn miss that girl alot luh.

havent seen her since school started in a month. lol.

then homed :D

ok. i have to log on to fb nao.

xoxo guys [:

A BAD AND A GOOD DAY.

2009-05-21T01:13:00.004+08:00

HAI FRIENDS :D

i was reading my super old posts in 06'

and the way i type and what i say.

is like o-m-g, quite turn off and like weird.

LOL :x

today, i had a controvesy of bad and good in school.

firstly, i thought my test started @ 1o, so i reported @10.

but horror of my horrors. jo called @ 10 and went !@$#$%$^$%&$&%

cause i missed th test, it was at 9! D:

anw, the HOD cher, super nice, so much better than what i expected.

not even fierce & not old. :X

anw, im having the make-up test tmw @ 10 :D

THANKS JO! ILY

secondly, after i talked to Dr. Anna may,

i had a 3 hr break which i spent wisely,by sleeping in the lib :D

&&&; i managed to buy my 53 bucks anatomy and physiology tb.

kill me man, the tb is so damn heavy and th topics tested for tmw is 120 pgs long in th tb.

then i had an hour of tutorials which was another team doing presentation

SO... we practically had a freee period then school ended

glad i didnt buy sunflower seeds today,

seriously they are super addictively nice [:

thirdly, i met jovyn @ macs aft school at 3 plus then off to mugging at lib.

my attention span is really short cause i keep talking to him.

and hes damn funny, he went to dl and watch the drama IN CHINESE.

LOL, distracting me all over. ):

have to pause, read the play. lol. failxzxxxz :X

THEN HE DEVELOPS THIS RED EAR SYNDROME. idk why..

i caught it on cam, will upload the pics tmw as im damn tired

my eyes are drooping as i type now

THE WORST OF ALL;

i was looking forward to frisbee prac &&&

i went, BUT, it was dull; boring; not the least bit hyped up.

i could say i wasnt having fun at all

we kept stopping to listen for instructions;

not that explanations werent clear or bad,

but it was so disorientated and i was like pekceh and emo lor.

it was worst than expected please,

i believe next week will be better

ended ard 8 plus then headed to macs and lib to look for dilli,alex,joel&co.

i was so upset and emo lor,

it felt like i shouldnt have gone for prac at all,

it made me feel more stressed :/ sorry guys.

anw, th rest went home abt 9.

joel& I stayed on @macs to mug/ fin ICA stuff.

and i didnt feel like mugging so i started dooding things for him

we both are pretty worried abt our grades and stuff.

dw, i think we can all do this.

WE MUST BE CONFIDENT (:

POLY DRIVING US ALL LACK OF SLEEP.

seriously, we need to manage better.

FRISbeerOCKERS meeting on tues :D

-random :X

OHOH BTW,

I GOT JOVYN&JOEL TO POSE W MY PINK STRAP SHOULDER BAG. :X

totally in style. but im tired to post it up. tmw kay. :D

andandand, joel and i forgot to take peekture w th blue sky D:

ohwell, tmw yet another long day; i end @ 5.

plus, i have musical voice recording to do in church tmw.

kill me plox. my brain gna asplode, soon.

i have to sleep now, really.

xoxo, :D

2009-05-20T04:22:00.002+08:00

ohoh, & this one, was taken today w joel, in school :D

on the way down from lib.

THE SKY BLUE DAMN NICE RIGHT

tmw, we go take tgt the same sky @ the same time. lol

2009-05-20T03:57:00.003+08:00

OH HEY.

im back, its like @ 4.12am now.

just here to upload peektures

then have to sleep, die man. 2hrs.

HAI FRIENDS SIGNATURE POSE. :D
retarded picture of kenneth i got on webcam
heh. :D, my pro skills.
his face is epic man.
hahaha.

alright i have to go

xoxo, :D

:/

2009-05-20T01:12:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER :D

honestly, i think i can just die of exhaustion soon.

ive been sleeping consecutively for 3 or 4 hrs for the past few days D:

which explains my current irregular updates of post.

today is no exception, plus, ive got a major test tmw accouting for 25% for that module

i still feel proud of myself for not sleeping in lects.

can you believe it? HAHAHA.

i bet yl and all will be so shocked, jawdroppingnews [:

Anw, today was rather like the usuals,

but cause of the stupid test, i had to skip frisbee. so upset ):

but i got to practice a lil, in case i lose the feeeel. lol.

i managed to pop by the pitch.

met joel&co, ate at koufu and mugged in lib.

feel so extra lor, like they all same class i out of nowhere. :x

mugged until abt 9 plus, totally brain dead pleaseeee.

left school @ 10 plus and homed :D

alright, i have to get back to mugging time D:

xoxo;

2009-04-16T00:23:00.003+08:00

today was a pretty tiring day.

woke up at 10 which was raining.

dreaded it so badly, i wanted so much to sleep in

but decided that i have to get my lazy fat ass bum off the bed for good.

then headed to nyp. met up fellow friends

oh& happy birthday siewmay! :D

then headed down to sjc to meet yl to collect our O certs.

weee, i miss school alot and looking at it now seems so, different.

less warm, & less of everyth it used to be.

now its all filled w proto type uniforms.

heh.

then downed to vivo w jinhe & yl.

wanted to get num flipflops but who knew their designs sucked.

went to the bookshop and got books in the end. AGAIN!

twic this week alr.

jh got 3 while i got 2.

pretty glad i got it actually.

hahah. oh well.

legs still aching even when i sit down

all cause of cycling at ecp yest.

im so hoping mummy would let me go for church camp this year.

oh well.

2009-04-03T23:19:00.002+08:00

yeah because you are crazy.

whatever, you only knw how to blame me.

you always think that way.

i dont understand at all, you'e right,

im not hard hearted

you just dont get me either.

in th end, its all gone.

i hate you.

2009-03-30T13:34:00.002+08:00

i hate it that you judge me, why.

i do not understand why do people look at me in the way i dislike.

do i really give that impression?

suddenly everyth seems superficial between us.

im pretending not to knw.

so it doesnt hurt inside, & that its just a lie.

i feel as if like everytime someone does that.

i can look into the mirror and hate it so much,

that i would just crash it.

but ive come to terms w it, it doesnt matter what you or whoever thinks abt me anymore.

ill forgive you and just let go inside.

you, are not the one who identifies me,

you, have no right to say who im supposed to be.

i thank god, my identity is in JC.

2009-03-18T13:10:00.002+08:00

recently, things have happened alot.

& ive been thinking alot too. i just wondered,

when things happen, do people just make themselves live in a world of lies,

and just out of strong fronts. but nothingness?

just so that they can stay positive,

but dont you think its a lil insane when you hope for someth thats impossible.

& the greater the disappointment.

but i guess i've figured out what faith really is,

is believing what you do not see, but place your trust in that someth no matter what.

&that lies only in one place.

i've definitely found it, & its always there whether or not i knw it.

but yet im uncertain if i can trust or lay it all down.

or place Him first before anyth else. distractions have always been in my way.

and im always sidetracking, not th least bit rooted.

but then again, being disappointed makes your faith circumstancial isnt it?

this whole period have really been such a pain,

but i guesss its always teaching me someth.

moulding me into someth that i wasnt before.

changes always hurt dont they?

they force us out of our comfort zones.

i'm still in the midst of unerstanding all these,

but that explains again, where im lacking in.

its time for me to do someth.

instead of rebelling &fighting back.

and asking why things are so unfair.

isnt it better to make the best out of it with my choices?

so that things that arent unimportant,

do not distract me, and fail myself to prioritise whats important.

losing my focus so easily.

but without knwing,

everyth that isin front of me is sub-conciously, talking bout tht one thing thats impt.

but ive failed to hear and recognise that voice,

& its such a sad thing.

i thought ive learnt from it.

but after much thought,

the truth is im not even a bit closeto it.

i've made the same old mistakes yet, again.

im sorry.

2009-03-17T19:39:00.005+08:00

nothing ended the way i wanted it to,

yet i question myself again, why?

i feel sad and disappointed.

well, its my own fault,

i can only blame myself.

every single day i hope it would be better,

i hope i will feel better, but no.

its still there.

im holding back all over again.

when will this feeling go,

i hope i will never have to enter this phase of my life again.

it hurts too much to knw,

and feel that way.

i feel like crying so hard but i knw,

its no use at all.

it doesnt help a thing.

its just getting worst.

i wish someone would say someth to console me&

understand me so much,

that i didnt have to say a thing cause they knw it hurts to much to say it out loud.

but yet they knw it all thats hidden beneath my cover,

and they could just put their hand on my shoulder and say.

"hey, dont worry. im there for you."

and that theres a shoulder always there for me to lean.

but no, none.

i dont believe anyone will understand this feeling.

or how i feel

i dont expect them to knw how i feel either.

i knw i give people th impression i really dont care& heck.

but you knw, in my heart thats not true at all

im so afraid but all these seems like its leading to where i fear the most.

everyth is really crashing.

im sorry.

2009-03-17T00:06:00.005+08:00

omg my room is so messy

and someone please save me!

i cant find my glasses.

lost it btw thurs to sun.

crap lah

die die die.

i must hide this from mummy

oh & my nails look so pretty now.

did a mani (:

2009-03-16T00:23:00.003+08:00

i want to be the happy person like i have always been,

dont take that away from me, really.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

been really emo th last few days.

even right now.

i feel like just pouring out badly. :/

but i guess these are the times friends show themselves&

im really glad that i have them. (:

i love you all, i mean it.

i dont think you guys can handle any more of those noncense&

my emo rantings anylonger either. :X

dont worry. ill return to what i use to be,

hyper, retarded, wild.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

when things fall apart, who do we blame?

its either me or you

so, what went wrong?

this question appeared in my head countlessly.

what can i do to save it.

i have feelings, i get tired, i feel frustrated as well.

not only you,

but its a matter of how we all act upon these circumstances, isnt it?

its a matter of choices and consequences.

but your words have spoken so much, hurt and pain i feel from it.

but if thats what you want,

i'll grant your wish, im tired.

as much as i dont wanna give it up,

IT SHOULD NOT TAKE THE EXPENSE OF ME.

my feelings, my chances,

you take them for granted.

you refuse to explain time and again.

im sick, fed up of all this noncense.

2009-03-15T00:11:00.000+08:00

prove me wrong, this time

2009-03-14T03:27:00.004+08:00

yesterday was friday th thirteen. the day that only comes once in year.

i wonder was it some sort of luck? thing that made me feel like this.

was late to meet yl, wgt, cjh, emi, gary & cooty for lunch @ gardens.

apparently i wasnt very close to half of them. was rather quiet,

they said i emo-ed but i dont think i was. was there form abt 1245 to 130?

then left to SP w yl for enrolment stuff w emi.

the rest headed to gt house.

was sooo tiring.

then headed to yl's house thereafter and church.

mass convo and skype helps kill boredom, a lil fun.

but then again,going to gardens reminded me of alot of things.

sitting on that bus on a particularly drizzling day felt a sense of nostalgia.

its like back to when i was in primary school,

how i'd take that very bus or head to macs for breakfast/lunch

and make yucky drinks w all the sauces there and prank our friends.

there was our old clique which consisted of

jane, me, edena, vicky, &vanessa, or sometimes xinyi or even joan.

well, we have dispersed and parted our ways.

i used to stay in gardens when i was younger,

there were so many memories that i took along w myself when i left that warm house.

i remembered my dog whom i loved

& suddenly i just kept missing him.

his face was like deeply etched in my mind.

the scene was like repeating playing over and over again in my head so vivdly.

if only i was older,

i would have stopped that but its all too late i guess.

that day i cried so bad.

anw, in memory of him :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

KOJI

1992-2004

you will always be remembered.

imy always.

XOXO

2009-03-12T01:27:00.001+08:00

today was the most boring day, ever.

2009-03-10T22:28:00.003+08:00

i have been trying to put my unhappy emotions behind so that it wouldnt even affect your mood or whatsoever.

but now im so drained and tired, emotionally, physically mentally, spritually.

everyone needs and wants a part of me, &its tearing me apart.

im glad i stayed home to rest,get back w God,

but yet again i want to be there for all of you.

& now it seems as thou all is falling apart.

every relationship seems distant, far, yet not the same like before.

i like the feeling each and every relationship has. the kind of platonic ones.

where you can just sit and talk about anyth and everyth under th sun.

where everyth is carefree and light.

we can watch the sunrise together at the beach and talk all night.

chill out at cafes and share about our problems over a drink.

laugh over the slightest stupid retarded things until tears fill our eyes.

where we'd all talk like no ones listening.

not even w the feeling of being hesitant to speak our minds.

&yet know that, nothing is indifferent.

we know where our hearts lie.

and the kind of feeling which you get, which makes you feel that,

our thoughts and emotions are in sync.

where both parties remain on the same page of a book.

the same line and sentence.

that at any one action, we are able to see th true emotions of one another.

why does it have to come to a state,

things change like how they no longer were.

that i am no longer able to read your mind,

you block me out for no reason,

and hurt me all over again.

i refuse to start talking, bacause everytime it resurfaces.

it hurts,everytime it starts.

you say saying things that i cant figure out the meanings behind it.

i want us to stay like this.

you know how eactly how i feel,

yet you dont address it.

why must you wait for me to question you.

i am so afraid of your replies and answers.

because i feel as if i know,

those answers will just disappoint me and hurt me all over again.

i am waiting for you to do someth about it.

i am waiting for you to make a change.

when will you ever know, that here i am waiting for you.

i dont think i can hold out any longer.

2009-03-10T21:49:00.003+08:00

today was relatively a better day than the rest.

got up at 730 and grabbed the sandwich mom made for me.

it was considered super early in contrast to the other days which i usaully get up at 12 or maybe even 1plus.

got to NYP just to submit my enrolment forms cause today was th deadline so i didnt have time to post them.

i was supposed to meet xuan at 845 at the atrium

was so glad i was earlier than him

can you believe it!! :)

travelled down to YL's house and woke her up a lil early around 9 while i was on my way.

was gaming at her place the whole morning and lunched at noon.

i think WWC is rather fun.

there was this one game we hit up to 400k and kept building cribs,

and upgrading them. it was so fun.

cause th other allie didnt build much.

and there we were just taking risks and kept building non stop

with that insane amount of neverending cash.

not giving any chances.

like flashes of pink and purple flying all over.

no leaks at all.

sadly a error cropped up and game closed.

tsk. in the midst of fun.

rabbits and sheeps was rather cool too.

just use the mana then all die, so pretty.

but sian.

after lunch, i couldnt take it any more.

was uber tired after reading a few pages of magazine,

plus that whole mad-rush morning.

nua-ed and slept at YL's damn comfortable couch for 2 hours while she read her nora roberts book.

i was having this crazy dream.

i dreamt her house had like 1 metre long row of ferrero rocher stacked up to 1 arm length high. and she had this fierce maid who sat at the couch watching tv.

and staring at us everytime we took food. she had like barbeque and pork chop flavour chips. heavenly man.

but YL forced me to wake up half way.

continued gaming and ate her homemade mango pudding.

super nice.

then headed to her friend's place w her.

guo tai's house w gary.

watched alot of nice and funny vids.

was damn hungry and all.

and ate like alot of chocolate. damn nice.

hehe. felt damn bad lah.

the choc looked ex. :X

bought food and headed home in th end.

------------------------------------------------------------

i feel like holidays are passing faster than expected.

every moment just seems a lifetime away.

the memories in school seems like nothing

yet those are precious memories that feels irreplaceble.

-----------------------------------------------------------

XOXO

2009-03-09T22:34:00.002+08:00

i have prolly spent the last 2 and a half hours, doing for my dongdong brother his common test homework, its been ages since i did geog stuff. but it really wasnt fufilling and it is so tiring.

it was on this stupid case study wordy 8 or 9 page article on oil spills and i had to help him summarise it and highlight the important points based on his powerpoint notes of what he learned. i think i can even memorise it. plus, he needed to do up a mind up on it. He has such horrendous organisation skills on how to draw out a neat mind map with a ruler and neat boxes. He keeps complaining and asking me to cut it shorter. all so last minute, he pratically didnt even read the article lah. sheesh. draining man. oh well

2009-03-09T22:28:00.003+08:00

recently, i have been observing a number of things out of the blue.

those things which dont mean a thing, just randomly catch my mind.

darren doesnt like spinach and mangoes, just the opposite for me.

so, we do differ, quite a bit

2009-03-07T13:41:00.004+08:00

i probably just love selective listening.

and maybe for once, i should address th issue and stop being passive,

stop running away, and hurting her again.

today, i just suddenly realised th root of our problem,

and why most of th time, i end up quarreling or maybe arguing with my mother,

i dont feel like stressed out or tensed or agitated a least bit in our quarrels,

idk why, i feel calm and talk back like with no emotion no feelings?,

on the other hand my mother she gets like angry and upset

all the shouting, i just go insane. i dont understandwhy either,

today, when we started off well,

ended up quarreling, for once, i knew why we always end up quarreling.

i always keep brushing her off whenever she tries to tell me something,

and even she keeps trying t repeat and tell me,

i will just say i know, stop repeating. and prolly try to change subject

its like shutting her mouth up.

then again, whats wrong even if i knew, and for her to say even if i knew it.

this just creates a gap in our relationship.

thats the reason why i feel like i can never get close to her.

sometimes i think i know whats shes going through,

yet i dont seem to care, pretend not to know,

i think it hurts her alot, made her so sad.

she cried bad today, and im sorry.

but what does it mean and what use has it got now?

she gotten sick or my endless apologies.

it meaningless, isnt it?

well i just realise how selfish i was,

i just listened selectively to what she said,

i listen selectively to people.

shes upset because, i can spend hours listening to my friends,
yet to her i cant, not even a advice that took not more than a few sentences?

that must have hurt her real bad,

after all shes been through, did for me and my bro.

laundry, breakfast lunch dinner, dishes, work for money, school. groceries. packing and cleaning

her weekends burnt, her life gone,

while we go out to party, pretend not to see her pain,

ignore her feelings, talk back disobediently.

we cant even thank her.

i think i really owe her a big sorry.

what i cant stand most,

is that i actually think i know everything,.

well thats cause its always the same old reply when she says someth i dont wanna hear.

see how lazy i am, i know her pain,

yet i dont even try to help her abit, just by listening, being obedient,

or simple light chores or just

getting good grades,

i prolly failed every single area of my life as a child,

thats why im useless, i just waste her money,

for education and for my playing,

we're both living very good lifes, me and brother,

but i think mom's suffering very badly,

im very glad we all have god i our lives,

thats why mom is so strong in god cause shes always broken.

that why she can last up to so long, all the years since we left dad

shes definitely much stronger than what i expected,

well, shes aging, getting sick.

i really want to turn my good intentions to actions before its too late.

really work hard, really start giving her a good life,

isnt that my job?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i love you always mom,

im sorry& i cant ever thank you enough.

please stay by our side, dont go.

just hand on a little longer.

2009-03-07T02:06:00.003+08:00

iwas watching taboo last night on television. and it was sick& discusting to the max.

I wonder how people actually manage to overcome their fear,

and have jobs that do autopsy. Its nothing like what people watch in CSI, and definitely much more worst off. so! if you do decide on take forensic science, please please check out what you're gonna learn before entering. hahah.

this guy who was performing autopsy for this woman who died in surgery was plain sick.

the woman had plain white skin which large red and pinkish patches all over her body.

and when they took out her lumpy heart, it was so gross.

she smoked so there were like black small little veins all over,

and had like yellowish lumps of fats all over at the top of her heart.

the guy weighted it and it was like 500g when a healthy heart is supposed to be 350g.

it was so sick. and when they cut up her stomach, there were like fats which looked like flour on the chicken wing which was not completely fried.

and when they cut the intestines, this redish liquidy thing started flowing out all over.

omg okay.

in phillipines, people rent graves for like 5 years

and once time is up, there are like these people who dig up graves

and pick up the bones so that new bodies can be buried in.

omg okay. and the people in the community and the children,

they live with these corpse, and see bones everywhere,

and its like someth thats natural for them to see all the time.

2009-03-07T02:02:00.002+08:00

i think my current favourite song is beautiful saviour.

;]

2009-03-07T01:42:00.003+08:00

jesus, beautiful saviour.

how wonderful, how beautiful.

i will sing forever,

jesus i love you,

jesus i love you.

2009-03-05T17:57:00.006+08:00

i think i sleep better on my bed in the afternoon than at night.

somehow or rather, the bed, just seems so much more comfortable, and i could fall asleep the instant i close my eyes. i like the feeling, neither do i know why.

it just makes me feel cuddled. and the air just feels colder even with the sunlight.

anyway,

i seriously dislike the whole enrolment procees into poly.

its so troublesome and annoying.

speaking of which, reminds me about th medical test.

it was kinda scary, the blood test thingy.

but i guess its over. so glad i pulled through.

im just left w the mailing and online enrolment

that aside,

i was supposed to go swimming w Vern and Yilin today, but then again the lazy me just took over. I spent the morning and afternoon facebooking yet again, and watching BFF on mysoju. Until Yilin had to msn me to remind me it was time to leave house. we got so lazy and since the sky was turning dark, i just texted vern to postpone the swim to saturday.

besides i take forever to prepare.

Yilin keeps calling me ABCD.

i think its short for authentic bimbo china doll if im not wrong.

siao right. nvm. lol.

she says i always bimbo talk to her.

hahahah. anw, ive been staying home the pass few days, so that i could just save up some cash instead of just hanging out and wasting money on transport fees and sinful food of course.

i keep on eating non-stop. agh. i wish i could just turn aneroxic, seriously.

all my guilty pleasures. ahhhhhh. ):

gotta get a haircut and my icecreamphone, and mac stuff soon.

and manicure. woohoo.

its been raining for the past few days, and its such a nice weather to sleep in.

pretty glad, as it has forced me to stay home :)

eventhough im staying home.

i think my own lazyness is killing me! i keep procrastinating,

my room is so messy,

and ive yet to prepare 2 chapters of the book

and memorise psalms 1 for mentoring on sunday!

ahhhh. :X

deanna lim so dead.

please let me finish on time.

please please.

XOXO,

2009-03-01T23:41:00.005+08:00

Hello everyone!

today started out great but sadly my lil brother of mine,

pissed me off real bad,

i was practically shouting at him when we were walking over to kk for lunch w th rest.

he just take me for granted and rips off my money.

the amount he spends one day can almost be equivalent to 1/2 my allowance.

imgaine everyweek.

he everytime expect me to help him take money from mom,

and gives an excuse he got no wallet.

i mean its okay for me to treat him,

but not everyweek right..

if im rich fine lah,

but im not, im like b-r-o-k-e man.

after lunch, we headed back to church,

apparently me and bro were alright already,

he was so annoying,

he had to touch my hair,

and push me
and sadly, cotton on flats has like poor friction.

and so....

he pushed so hard,

that my flats slid along the floor,

and he just had to let go
and i fell on my elbow
omg, hurts like siao

imagine my full weight on my elbow,

theres like a big bruise there man

and i think it pulled a nerve or a muscle,

so i cant bend my left hand all the way,

or it'll hurt like mad.

and i cant rest on my elbow either.

siannnnnn.

and i also skipped dance today.

im pretty glad i had taken time of to go taka,

to get my purple moleskin book,

thou ive yet to start designing it.

ohoh, btw,

tuesday im going for my medical test,

soooo. good luck to me people.

and i sent Sheng off at the airport tooo.

he gives me great encouragement for the course im entering,

unlike th TUTs

they just suan me to the max luh.

lol. and ate dinner at popeyes too,

d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s.\

my fav is the mash potato man.

heh. :D

bye anw.

XOXO,

2009-02-24T23:55:00.002+08:00

ive been sick and tired of staying home

and im wondering why, eveytime we have school we want holidays,

and when we have them its sososo bring.

thats th irony, isnt it?

okay, anw, hellohellohello.

im so bored so i am here for the 3rd time today to blog.

yes, i wonder how i get so much crap to talk about.

speaking of which, making a choice to get out today was BAD

why? because my kachings is like damn little okayyyyy.

i need cash yo.

let me write you a list of things i need/want w my current allowance

of 50 bucks this week i got last sunday.

contacts - 19/38(2 months)

slippers-26/39

moleskin book-15

todays movie -6

food -alot. ):

art materials -?

ice cream phone -320!!

polaroid -90

blah blah blah.

can you see the friggin expenses is like omg @@@@@

how am i goimg to survive at this rate.

dear friends.

im going out w yilin tmr,

shes getting her ipod.

im getting art stuff.

my kaching so little, im so d-e-a-d.

ahhhh.

its only tuesday.

i must stay home th rest of th week.

btw, you knw i hate the way my mom calls me.

"girl ah, girl!"

so irritaing.

stop nagggingggggg.

ahhhhhhh.

im still worried bout medic test. ):

i have got to go swimming soon,

and dinner w yl & vern.

i need to work!

im hoping th boss can faster call me.

idk why, my thoughts is like so distracted now,

i keep on taking bout diff stuff randomly.

oh& today was rlly weird,

i suddenly missed guanghao.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

its been soooo long,

the feelings still th same,

but somehow it changed all alot on th way.

it was your choice,

and i couldnt do a thing, and watched it slowly all fade away.

drifting day by day but nothing could be done.

somehow, i couldnt help but had a tear i my eye,

but i guess its all long gone,

but a memory i wont forget.

you made me once felt that that was the best friendship i could ever have,

and we would be the best of friends for forever,

but your choice proved me wrong,

and for once i felt pain,

it hurt so bad i couldnt sleep at night,

and now i look back,

and wish it would be back like then,

time would just stop there.

but sadly it waited for no man

it would be like a miracle,

or the sky turning green for us to be close once again.

this kinda friendship.

will i ever find one like this again?

i wonder,

it was a rare friendship like nothing else.

you've changed ive felt,

so distant already,

th way we talk can never be th same, can it?

th way we've treated each other has changed, hasnt it?

questions that you no longer think about.

even we knw in our hearts,

we were once that special friend to each other,

but no longer the same, no longer everyth we used t be.

in our hearts, we'll never forget we were once that close,

but

let this be buried deep in our hearts,

i once read this but i doubt it'll ever work for me,

love like you've never been hurt before.

is it possible? i wonder.

2009-02-24T11:18:00.004+08:00

another thing is,

th only thing i love gong to dads place is,

th food my ahma cooks,

damn delicious homecook food.

lovelovelove it t th max.

esp the fish and soup.

hoho. my fav.

chicken wings not too bad.

mom cook one nicer.

heh.

& of course my dearest cousin russell.

damn naughty but soso cute.

everyday ask me to play tickle w him

& likewise we both obviously have problems getting up for school.

then at night when he do homework damn hilarious.

his dad was teachingchim spelling.

he was drinking water and he spiled it on the book and paper.

then he look innocently at his dad &said.

r: papa i spill th water

d: *stares at him

r: no, because th dragonfly on top i scared.

d: you dont talk nonscence okay, do your homework.

SWEAR. it was so hilarious.

i was laughing a him like mad.

he's a spoilt brat so i like to disturb him.

he can tell th difference from nutella and choco spread.

damn fussy, w food.

he said nutella taste better.

i wonder why, his age gap compared to me and my bro.

is so much different.

me and bro used to eat his herbal powder thing every morning.

before school

and we love it eventhough its bitter, its damn tasty.

and my bro will always complain i drink milo so slow.

then my ahma will drive us to school at junior playworld childcare centre.

at hougang there.

yesyes that is.

my grandma said our kindergarden school fees were extrememly expensive.

its was about 300 bucks a month she said?

i doubt so but seems like it.

we had so much excursions and delicous food,

and sleeping and playing and lessons.

computer lessons, speech and drama, performances.

i wonder why,

my dads side,

all my cousins are boys, no girls. none.

why? idk.

and my moms side, only my brother and this one boy cousin.

the rest, youngyoung girls.

two of them are sisters w 2 year age gap, born on the same day.

how cool man.

and i swear, they are damn pretty okay.

can be baby models. their hair is like insanely gorgeous.

no doubt, their mom is like a supermodel use to be in malaysia.

but no longer.

this was from my uncles second marriage.

secondly, uncle nick is home,

migrated to aussie,

and came home to vsit.

hoho. :D

thats all the undates.

bored yo.

2009-02-24T10:53:00.004+08:00

okokok.

back from daddy's place.

he just drove me back early in th morning.

sianns.

ohoh.

ive received my enrolment letter from nyp.

PLEASE PLEASE.

God, let me pass my medical examination.

and not be found of profound deafness.

damn scared. ):

the whole package thing is so thick.

all confusing.

th fees and everyth.

gahhhhh

if i dont get in screw this okay.

then go nafa? or appeal directly to poly school again?

): ): ):

im so sick of this whole process,

it feels like being pushed around.

sooooo...anw

i was staying at my dad's the last few days.

& th freaking people living above me,

super inconsiderate,

resulting in lots of mosquitoes & imean it!

that is why i hate to go there,

its like th previous bites havent recover from it yet

& ive got new ones.

my leg is so fugly now okokok.

sighs.

ive got a total of... ard 15 bites

all over my body.

IM TRYING MY BEST NOT TO SCRATCH.,

itching like mad okay.

but i dont want ugly marks so must tahan!

and speaking of which.

im so annoyed.

dad was pestering me t stay over.

and i had no choice but to soak my contacts in water!

& i super hate it.

the contacts become dry and sticky afterwards.

its like i put it in my right eye and it gets stuck on my eyelids inside.

& th worst thing.

the left eye contacts no matter how hard i try to clean it.

it just burns in my eye

and have this chilly feeling thing.

ewww.

i tried popping it into my eye at first cannot.

too pain.

i tried the second time idk how th hell it went it.

it hurt like so badly i couldnt open the damn eye to take the contacts out.

so i had to choice but to force it open.

can you imagine how pain.

it was so pain i was tearing like siao man.

then when i finally took it out.

my eye was SO RED.

can just die.

now i need to waste money buy new ones.

so now, im only wearing th contacts in my right eye.

otherwise im blind.

should be going out later to get the new ones.

and meet isabel for a movieeee

yesyes.

deanna lim, do not be late!

ive been trying damn hard to break this bad habit.

its working people.

:D :D

for now, ill go watch my videos.

heh. dont miss me

♥ to you, im just another romance

2009-02-18T23:40:00.002+08:00

hello world.

deanna lim is sick ):

sick & headache and muscle aches.

argh. i think im so strong.

BUT

shared drinks w bro & got sick.

anw, i think im such a good girl now.

stay at home kid.

just rest and sleep.

computer.

rot and rot again.

idk why.

my life has suddenly gone mundane
& worst say, boring?

but i swim occasionally.

i spent valentines day at home rotting away.

then i went t j8 during evening

wanted t get my pants but sold out i think.

then met jonathan and talk talk.

since he stayed near there.

dont worry, it'll be fine :D

im sure it'll all work out.

met gill on mon and she said ive gone thinner.

then pooled w job.

sigh. i just need to have abit more skill lah

to win and beat and own him.
twice we were both aiming for black ball,

once i won.

the rest i lost him by 2 or 3 balls.

siannnn.

met isabel on tues and i was sick.

everywhere ive went,

i was just plain cold

hands were freezing like siao,

damn long since ive felt cold that way.

i cant wait for school t start.

i wanna make newww friends.

my bangs have grown long

and i need to meet th hairdresser.

i have yet to buy my moleskin purple book
so that i can decorate and design my planner

the way i want and like it to look like.

every month is gonna be a different colour.

ive got the smaller A6 size for my journal.

sososo cute.

sigh.

procrastination

yesyes. laziness.

my stupid camera's connector is w my grandad

so you knw. pics cant be uploaded.

but theres still some around.

ohoh &

ive signed up for french classes on saturday.

and hiphop dance classes on sunday.

thats why im aching badly. ):

see how long i havent danced.

my stamina and flexibility all gone.

): ): ):

okay. here are some pictures ive grabbed.

till then.

bye loved ones :D

2009-01-20T02:30:00.000+08:00

ily,
just feel it.
(:

xoxo,

2009-01-20T02:07:00.008+08:00

nice effect right.

credits t me yo. heh (:

geek-ness.

random.

gills shop :D

swim w gladys.

if i had a choice, the first i would make,

is never t give up what i have decided on and t be responsible for it.

until the end,

i could never understand what it prolly feels like in YOUR shoes.

if i had a choice t make,

i want t make th right one.

i wont make the same mistake you guys did.

you dont understand how i feel,

and now since i stand in a child's POV,

and feel it

i will knw so much more how'd it hurt.

i want a happy family.

yes im sure.

it doent hurt or bite anymore, anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

alrrighty. pics up at the top. (:

these are the ones taken w gladys at swimming at her house,

the other day.

it was terrible lah. the wather was so cold,

we had a hard time getting in.&

we wanted t do sauna

but it was so hilarious and we were annoyed

cause the stupid sauna thing wont work

although it did at first.

anw, enjoyed th heart-to-heart talks.

gossips,

LOL.

anw. today went t do a lil labour work.

earn bucks.

just a temp job wrapping hampers w chee.

nat&chee was totally scary today luh.

rahhh. heh.

glad you all alright already.

love you guys.

hahahaha.

then met Flannery at starbucks cathay t chill out yo.

the internet connection on his lappy was TERRIBLE lah.

hahha. thanks for th treat anw.

lol. then walked back t train home at 11.

he steals my bag lor.

bag stealer!

hahahha.

xoxo,

D (:

2009-01-08T23:52:00.008+08:00

hellohello dear friends.

yest i got a hair cut, and yes, its BANGS. hah.

quite worried how it would look but turned out alright i guess.
\th hairdressser was a chinaboy. LOL.

alrighty. pics shall do th talking yo.

xoxo.

gill was complaining how bad it looked.

was super sad luh. but after i tied it up, guess it looked alright.(:

heh

---------------------------------------------

okay. today was fun.

actually i promised mummy yest that i wouldnt go out today but in th end.

sigh. sorry mummy.

had a little conflict w her& all. left th house mad.

met up w yanping& belinda at NYP ard 12 plus.

and it was SO retarded okay.

we freaking got lost trying t find each other while meeting up.

then called xuan out t meet me

and walk ard and all.

then i saw shalyn. lol.

lunched at koufu there.

& its freaking cheap luh. chicken rice for 2.50 ONLY.

and i found a course i like, visual comm (:

then aft that headed t TP.

saw yilin & this new friend john.

headed there tgt.

met this guy darryl then walked abt th area.

then this girl offered us red bull t me& yilin

and at first we damn tired but aft drinking it we got damn high luh.

got crazyyyy taking pics. and th wind keep blowing luh.

ruined our hair.

saw gladys&seraphfine too/

-.-

then headed t tamp mall for dinner at pizza hut.

thanks for th "treat" people(:

heh. then went w darryl t get his prezzie for his dad at amk hub.

then headed home(:

alright. thats all.

loveee.

oh btw, should be going SP tmr.

2009-01-06T23:49:00.004+08:00

when someone betrays your trust how would one actually feel? Did he even think that it would hurt me so much that would cause me t cry or feel pain?

your nonsensical behaviour and stupid excuses arent going t work any longer, i'm tired of listening t you, just this once, i'll make my heart stronger. i'll turn away from you and shut my ears.

i am sick of running here and there, and going on in an aimless direction where im loss and have no sense of security. life will definitely go on better without you. i believe. i have friends that treat me and love me much more better than you do.

you're just a loser that thainks you're mature, that you knw every little thing, that you're so smart. but do you actually realise that you words are so contradicting,

that you say someth but you dont actually mean it? and your actions are just doubtful.

i am happy that i made this choice t move on, get my damn life back.

i have been trying t do everyth t get just one look from you but you dont care. i like it when we sit in th car together, and listen t th same song on th ipod, where you lie on my shoulder and i watch you sleep. i wish time would just stop there, or go a little slower, just t have you by my side a little longer.

why do i have t question you, or be doubtful?

why cant you just be honest, or take th initiative t address th problem?

\rather than carry on w superficiality.

i hate it & im tired, drained.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

hello world(:

was suppose t meet gill at 1230 today & as usual she was LATE, again.

so we met at like 3.

hahah. anw i got my contacts today and wanted t get a hair cut at twister w rika but apparently there were no slots, so i guess it'll be tmr.

we made appointments at 5.

then trained t town w gill&chris.

lunched at far east w sharon, chee&nat, chris, gill,

then shopped for ard 2 plus hours,

Danny came and by then we were like all sian t the max alr luh.

walked t taka and ate yoshi

slacked then trained home.

2008-12-09T16:40:00.000+08:00

2008-12-08T01:23:00.002+08:00

why does everyth you say contradicts your actions.
i knw they are just empty words spilling of your mouth
your lines repeats in my mind,
what do they mean?
words with empty meaning is not what i want.

------------------------------------------------

hellohello(:
time to revive this blog.
i need a place of ranting anw.

xoxo.

2008-11-18T02:15:00.001+08:00

Here's a story of a girl,
Living in the lonely world,
A hidden note, A secret crush,
A little boy who talks too much.

Well, I'm standing in the crowd,
And when you smile I check you out,
But you don't even know my name,
You're too busy playing games,

And I want you too know,
If you lose your way,
I won't let you go.

If I cut my hair,
If I change my clothes,
Will you notice me?

If I bite my lip,
If I say hello,
Will you notice me?

2008-03-03T20:09:00.003+08:00

urgh,im so effin pissed of by this stupid blog right now.
i did the editing and in a flash everythings goneeee.
omg. this kills my mood.
the next post you see, everything restarts.
its new. and all newwww.

bye

2008-02-27T23:53:00.002+08:00

omgomg. you know today im duper random okay.
VERY haha. so i randomly picked out people t talk to la
online of course,so it turned out to b good cause yeah its just good!
haha, ok, im making no sense here but i dont really care.
i just want to share this story with you all,
cause i like it alot!
haha. t my dearest friends out there, you dont know how worried
ive been for you all, i hope i can pick you all up (:
then we'll be saved tgt.
so i was talking to JK. he told me this story la:

|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
ok..lemme put it like that..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
its like..runnin up a rocky mountain..with god at the top...on the way..u see flowers(ur friends) u like..and wanna pick them..but its hard...with things in the way...things weighin u down..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
so long we look up..to God..as motivation..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
we can grab it all..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
its just how much we want..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
and if we're willing to go back down..places we've passed..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
to pick the flowers we left behind..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
something like that..

|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
its nt a smooth road..
|-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
if we fall.it hurts.
-=[ J.K ]=-| rise up.. says:
but God will come..pick us up

yaye. thanks for the enlightenment.
see ya
gotta run. mom nagging
bye
repost again later!

2008-02-06T12:14:00.000+08:00

BOOO.
hello hello. haha.
no one reads this now.
but i dont care. im bored.

so like i had detention yest.
cause i was late for 1 freaking min.
like helllo.
half an hour detention standing and facing the wall to write those reasons
is so tiring luh,
and still. our half an hour turned into an hour.
hais.
im going out to meet vern to shop at bugis.
and might meet gill to paint my nails or something.
not sure.
anyway i was just looking at those previous oldddd pics
that are like my memories.
really coool. miss those times.
i wonder where'd we all go when sec4 ends.
its so busy nowadays we dont have time.
and i wish'd time would stop in those memories.
sighs.
just like when i was still bob.
and i still am.
lol.
whatever.
gtg.

ciaos dude.
love everyone.
peace! (:
bye. oh and.
happy new year!

h.

2008-01-28T22:25:00.001+08:00

peeps.its been so long. sorry.
i was lazy to rant.

so here i am. i really need this place again.
i wanted to start afresh. but too lazy,

mom found our i pierced my second ear hole.
i already knew she would scold.
theres just no point.
i was mentally prepared.
gave her cold shoulders ad no reaction.
she says ive got no respect for her at all.
shes been just picking on me,
she just didnt understand me.
she just needed my ingenious lovely bro.
aint jealous of him thou,
think hes real nice.
i t-r-i-e-d so hard to please her.
and yes i meant it. TRIED.
she just didnt see it. it was all faults in her eyes.
nothing was good. nothing came out good.
she said i wanted to be a AL.
but it was just my personal preference.
so is it wrong for christians to pierce just TWO ear hole.
not as if ive had 10.
and she said that my mind was unclear.
but i still knew i would do it someday,
does she ever know how stress i can be.
how hard i cry alone in the nights.
the hurt and neverendingggggg pain.
how much longer can i go?
i wonder hard.
i looked to God.
asking always for him to take away my pains.
fill it with his love and strength
i know he gives us his full strength.
maybe i dont know how to use it.
my life is in the PITS now.
yes i mean it. im just so busy, stressed and moodless.
my heart cant seem to breath.
theres just no life,
not that theres no margin.
but with margin, idk what to do,
ill start wondering. and it reminds me of all the pains.
i thought its supposed to be a better year.
i cried so hard that ive ran out of tears,
ran out of blood to bleed in my hearts.
i hate you and love you as much at the same time.
why cant you ever understand me.
im so tired.
why have you always been like that,
why dont you ever hear me crying out to you.
you blame me form drifting from you.
but everytime i told you my feelings.
you just forced your logic into me,
i try so hard but you dont know.
forget it.

BYE.
-D

2007-09-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

you know what.
i just hate my life.
hate it luh.
sometimes i just keep getting the feeling of nostalgia.
missed those times.
or feeling detached from the group.
like my heart just isnt there anymore.
i want to but yet again i just let myself get hurt again.
maybe thats why i dont love anymore.
seriously.
just what does it even mean to me.
this time im just gg to protect myself.
and like i hate it you know.
could they just like
say something that i want to hear but they dont want to tell me,
they could say it FAR FAR away from me.
so that i dont need to feel left out by these-professionalise-in-making people feel left out.
i just know whoever is keeping anything from me.
i feel it.
i cant be close to anyone.
you know what.
i hate putting on strong fronts,
always running away.
why does God just leave me like that.
maybe im just undevoted to reading his word.
i love serving him.
it gives me joy.
my lifes just messy and all.
i HATE IT.
I REALLY DO,.
it just gets worst day by day.
i dont know what the hell is my blog for.
maybe i shoukld just freaking close it down.
my heart is hiding all the frustration you just cant see,
its controlling and taking in.
im mad beut you dotn seem to know
you always think its fine.
whatever-.
im sick, pissed,
and probaly every other thing you can even name.

2007-09-24T18:32:00.001+08:00

so like hi to everyone.
sighhs. sat was the wedding,
it was fine. just that i was half drunk.
eyes were bloodshot red and dizzy.
wedding was super grand,
sunday was failed mugging with gladys,
hahaha.
wanted a hair cut badly.
hahaa.
people who knows me knows my hair keeps changing,
esp when i get mood swing tend to cut
and eat ice cream,
and like eventhough mom hates dad,
i knowshe does in her heart,
kind of nice, dad suggested going japan as a family.
havent had that before,
it was always with mom only?
ohh, ive moved back to mom.
i seem to keep having memory loss sudedenly and
my hands keep trembling.
sighs. whats wrong with me,
i have totalk to God.

2007-09-17T16:35:00.000+08:00

you know what? im sick
rlly sick and tired.
its like you've got your own clique and friends you need.
and when you have them you forget about me you know.
its always been me running to you.
and nv you running to me,
is that what selfish-ness is?
and only when you've got troubles you come to me.
do i still need a friend like this? do i?
what am i to you?
even XXX has a more important place in your heart.
ive been like next to you for dont know how many million years.
and you gave that credit to smone else.
like how'd i feel la.
maybe you wont even know what im writing is about you.
maybe you wont even know.
becos i wont say.
i thought i was close to you.
maybe im wrong?
you never spoke for me,
nv left a place there for me.
not where i belonged.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hi allllll.
so like today. went to school
slept like all the way during lit class & geog
fluffy cloud is so poor thing la.
and same to geog.
went to few of new homerooms assigned.
SS was slightly boring.
stupid kelly is s'pose to call me for a movie today.
but her phone is still off.
tomorrow like im gg to humptum her.
sighsss.
was like playing during maths class.
didnt listen at all.
moody rather today.
after school headed home straight.
havent been home early for ages.
good for a chance you think?

alrighty.
till then all.
ciao!

2007-09-13T23:56:00.000+08:00

aye all.
its 11.57 pm now.
time to sleep kids.
im like eating magee meee.
haha. i wonder who the hell reads my blog lah.
its been dead for years and
i bet no one reads this shit anw.
today was kinda the same.
just sleepy all the way. > ):
had a hard time trying to stay awake for geog.
>):
oh. and gillian owes me a blogskin thingy.
i wanna change my stupid old tagboard.
this morning i was super irritated and
bad tempered, bad mood.
oh wells.
must learn to change.
and bio was so screwed.
today it felt as if it was my first lesson.
even the mcq was disastrous.
the FIRST MCQ QUESTION
ms charles was like
"gillian, please read the first question for me and answer it"
gill> uh. uh.???
me> the ans A lah.
gill> the ans A.
ms charles> what are the 2 cells shown?
gill> uh. i dont know?
me> root hair cell and dont know what lah
i was thinking in my head o-m-g.
it was like the first chapter.
then ms charles was like what was the other cell you suppose to learn?
me> uh. pholem cell.
ms charles> no. RBC.
OMG i tell you.
so screwed lah our class.
die liao lah SA2.

amaths was suck lah.
screw it totally.
all anyoh how.
teacher sure humphtum us lah.
pris cried. poor her.

so like after amaths,
we headed to food court.
ate. slacked. did highlighting for
pris hist book.
so nice lah.
all the colours. like so hardworking like that.
then headed home.

thats all for today.

2007-09-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

hi everyone.
who comes to my DEAD blog to read.
haha. so this is my 104th post.
interesting huh.
so like todays all gloomy & sad? i guess.
stephs grandaddy past away.
never seen her cry so much.
heart breaaks > ):
oh update.right yes,
and saadly im not going to east timor anymore > )':
i wanted to go real bad but it clashes with Korea.
haisss.
today slept in chinese and got caught again.
as usual :X
english was rather interesting.
we were looking through on stuffs on the 911 flight terrorist crash thingy.
the anniversary. idk.
tomorrow got a freaking amaths test.
im so dead. -screams> :@@@@ > ):
so like tday, after school,
went to rm foodcourt to eat.
was like crapping with pris. haha.
then left halfway around 3.40
wen t home to get books.
meet shalyn and james at BK.
sorry i was late. queen of late lah.
mugged abit on amaths.
meet the grace, bel, deeben, jj and uh, lydia
at KK foodcourt.
had some light dinner.
headed to church for the my FIRST session on Job,
and well it was the LAST session.
ohwell.
my comp screen is scaring me lah.
it like suddenly blinks and the screen blacks out and suddenly it returns to normal.
so headed home.
saw someone i didnt want to see.
and YAYness.
sheng has agreed to tution me science on friday.
i hope ill ace by end of the year :D
first shalyn at2, nat at 4 and mine at 6.
how nice of him,
and i need to help shalyn do her art on friday.
>yays. havent touched art for a year.
(:
oh ya, shopping with pris chia soon at bugis.
sighs. countdown 21 more days to exam.
): stress-ness.
and i love IM language now lah.
O-M-G, O-M-G.
idk.

im super hungry now lah.
but im going to sleep alr.
no point eating.
makes me feel fat and digusted only >):

alrighty,toodles.
till then.

2007-09-10T00:43:00.000+08:00

okok. its 12.43am now and
here am i blogging while those people are all sleeping away.
in fact ive been having rather many SLEEPLESS nights.
sighs. > :(
so like i went to the KL trip thingy
it was more like fun than
educational.
spent all the money dad gave me > :@
and like mom allowed me to go east timor.
LIKE FINALLY >:D
yipeeeeeee.
without anyone blood-related to me going of course
- thumbs up.
it like in november and a week.
so excitinggggg la.
and dads paying for the korea school thingy.
hmms. sound so busy.
ohoh. and Sheng can finally tution me.
how nice of him.
so its like every friday.-science.
im sure ill ace it. seeing s-h-a-l-y-n.
getting A1 for it. suprisingly.
ahhaha.
and you know recently.
ive been spending and SHOPPING
like there's no tomorrow. >:(
when am i EVER gonna learn to control lah.
when out with mom today.
she bought new shoes and she was complaining all the way lah.
you know >"stupid shoe"
was all she said. damn cute luh.
her feet was pain even with plasters.
moving back with her next week thou.

its like 3 mins to 1am.
tomorrow gonna die alr.
confirm sleep in class de.
i better go.
idnt even do any hw > :(

alrighty.
toodles.

2007-07-10T00:55:00.000+08:00

EDITED.
12.55am.ok. im so darn bloody angey.
my blood is boiling to the max i tell you.
here i am with gillian slogging our life for this stupid presentation
while STAPHANIE LIM HWEE TENG, CARISSA CHEE, CONNIE TSANG
is sleeping their asses of at home when its suppose to be their job.
they cant even complete a task of at least copying all the info from
the textbook to the powerpoint.
im so gonna scold them tomorrow.
most prob ill ask teacher put them out of the group.
esp carissa chee.
she today stil dare to scold me as me do my part properly but yet she didnt even do anything.
she all talk no action, only know how to gossip.
aint i true?
hais.

2007-07-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

urghssss.
im dying down here.
aft being in sec 3,
like last week and this week.
homeworks all came crashing down on me,
including all those stupid essays and projects.
wanna die liaos
dont care.
i shall just delay the rest and do the bio essay.
so lazy to print luh

2007-07-08T23:19:00.000+08:00

so like i busy doing geog project.
and the msn thingy keeps popping out.
hais.
talking to gillian, steph, zhengjie, isabel, ben & edena.
lol. so busy. haiz.
i can just die typing.
> ):

see ya anw. bye.

2007-07-04T00:11:00.000+08:00

omg. _____
im having real bad moodswings.
i just shout at my damn brother for no reason and get angry.
and this always happen when i get the damn period.
i just hate it.
wth is wrong with me.
everything in the world becomes damn boring and stupid.
sighs.
ive been coming home like 11 pm or 12 pm++
eversince like school started and like everyday.
i became so naughty during the holidays and it lasts till now.
did so many stuffs ppl that know me cant even imagine me doing it.
i cant control this shit mouth of mine.
i dont even wanna go home, but of cos i do lah.
i bet even all the people who knows me all actually dont know me.
except for some.
75% of the friends who think they know me just dont.
and like it can be like 99% of them in school dont even know me.
my chracter in school and outside is totally diff lah.
i dont care what they think about me at all, they dont even know me,
i can even dont call them f-r-i-e-n-d-s.
they cant even be there for me when i need them.
they dont even know what shit i feel, and worst of all,
i cant even tell them. or itll be so weird.
cos they nv even see me in this state before.
i can only vent it on the stupid ___
dont understand why im too nice,
dont understand why i cant show feelings.
dont understand.
etc.
no offence but its just like that.
what is wrong with me man.
so screwed.

2007-06-24T02:24:00.000+08:00

i stare into the sky tday and saw fireworks.
it was just amazingly A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
and and on the way home me fungie and clara saw this damn funny mad guy
he stared at us and went
" baby take my heart but dont ever break it"
and " i love to rock and roll(and doing the guitar strumming action)
it was super funny lah, and so daring.
went t macs to eat supper and left at 11.45pm
and when me and fungie went to take bus
there was this indian mad guy who came in between us and wanted to touch us.
we got so freaked out and ran away lah.
laughed our asses man.
so in the end i took mrt home.
and reached at 12.30 plus.
ohoh. and GYY has lost almost all her voice,
suuper funny. i wonder how she's gonna talk to me
with that "sexy" hoarse voice tom when i meet her.
LOL.

with <3!

2007-02-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

its 10.24pm noww.

my back aches and hurts like shitttttt.

i detest that ballet dance. tiring indeed yes it is.

theres lit CT tomrrow, and its to kill a mockingbird.

i think Atticus is cool. yeah right.

so tday i went home after the maths algebra lesson thing and and and guess what friends.

nothing haha. i dont wish to share,

i dont know anymore,

i dont care.

i just wish i could stare hard into the sky forever,

never wanting t let go or wake up from the beautiful dream,

forcing my eyes open and wandering deep into the space,

2007-01-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

i love touch rugby.

i love the show the circus.

i love arts central.

i love tv.

-------------------------------------------------------

to my dearest ___ face brother.

hes always selfish and greedy.

but sometimes hes nice.

he doesnt know how to differ both words,

he doesnt like to share the stuff he has only at times.

thats selfish.

he takes my stuff without permission and

i hate that,

he grabs the extra stuff i have and thats greedy.

he doesnt allow me to do that and complains.

please if you would step out a lil bit and

dont take my stuff

and we can keep in harmony with each others boundaries,

i dont know why sometimes i just cant be harden.

i would always give in to you regardless

but you took it for granted sometimes.

thats how mom felt towards me

and me towards you.

counless times i told you your mistakes nicely

but you just didnt accept.

mom scolds me all the time when i tell you nicely and

she says im screaming.

i hardly see her scold/nag you not a single bit for weeks

and maybe months.

if you wouldnt change, it might be your downfall when you grow up.

i know im a bit like that and sometimes

i wished you had not followed me and you would be a nice boy,

you're still nice but not as.

i admit at some parts you were better than me

but i just wish you could study for your life,

you dont know the importance of it yet

and when to come to my age,

you would understand it all

and regret all of it.

2007-01-27T17:01:00.000+08:00

wednesday i went to prisleongs house to do geog project and she coooked magee mee for me ((:

but i reached home at 10.15 pm.

went for the dance thing yest and was quite shit.

headed to church straight from there and reached home at 12.30.

showered and continued with the commonwealth essay and finally finished it in like 93735t83852 hours. damn tiring please.

slept at 3.10am in the morning.

woke up and had pizza for breakfast.

quarreled with mom over ______.

shit face.

BYE.

2007-01-27T16:35:00.000+08:00

i hate my mom. i hate her.

she didnt even wait for me to explain.

she's always ahead of me,

pressurising me to help her all that shit.

she couldnt even be patient a while more so that things would be better.

even if i explained all you ever did was scold and nag,

theres nothing i ever told you,

that you would know more about me.

parents always think that they know their child the best and all sorts.

i am a teenager and if she knew that,

she would know what a teenager wants.

she could control to a limit but she controls all the way.

there are some things you did which were right and you did help,

but you were just not there in the right way.

i dont know what to say about you,

even if i said im sorry or i love you or thank you,

all you could say was,

" i dont feel a thing because its always the same."

and if i dont say you would say

" i did this and that but you never showed any appreciation."

you treat like a pea in your life.

supposing to help you with everything and understand more about you than myself.

you try to make me all guilty all over everytime

i know your diffulcuties and im already slowly trying to improve.

but you never saw and each time you bargained for more.

if i told you i changed a bit.

you wouldnt see and you think im acting all proud.

maybe its because im living with you everyday thats why you dont see.

I AM REALLY TRYING.

even if sometimes i argued, i would still help you.

i know i have a go-in-one-ear-come-out another ear

kind of problem.

but i cant help me and you're suppose to help me nicely

but all you did was shout.

that way,you never enterd my heart.

you always almost entered but it was lost somehow.

you were nice at times

but you said i took you for granted.

i know i did most of the time but im still a teenager.

couldnt you wait a while more so i would be better.

im sorry but please.

2007-01-23T23:16:00.001+08:00

just came online.

i rlly detest that damn school.

everything is shit mann.

so like im STUCK with that damn essay.

i have no clue

so today, i was late.

should not have rushed.

i lost that beloved name tag of mine. ):

and i was practically ___ the school in my head.

i dread school because im tired and

homeworks is a freaking major issue which is gonna be worst later on.

dance is another issue. then again i ask myself if i was ever committed.

we are not having mid-year exam this year.

i wonder if im getting into the NDP thing. :D

rememdial classes are starting soon.

and that will become a busy week, always waiting for my dear weekends.

plus cca lessons and if i get into
NDP and cell group and if there's projects and HW and enrichment.

or whatever.

heading to town with prischia tomorrow i guess.

i need to coke up freak shit money ))):

byeeee. prince and princess who reads.

im going t upload my bro's vids.

2007-01-22T00:41:00.000+08:00

rahhhh! HELLO TO ALL!

this weekend was a super happening weekend. i wish i have this kinda weekends everyweek with no homework, to think about it, i havent done the stupid chinese newspaper article. anyway, yest was a damn slack day, i just slcked at the sofa as i was super tired because i chatted with don till about 2 -3 am?. was suppose to meet cleff at town but he overslept, i called till the phone nearly broke. anyway, i yelled at him but it was alright because he owes me another bottle of THAT. hahaha. and so i woke up late then i headed to deebs house for his 18 birthday party. and so we played daidee and sheriff(whatever you call or spell it?) i was watching them play abalone, its a damn interesting game. and so shalyn had the last blow of his candle.HAH! we were watching some 30 secs of fame thing and was watching MTV asia. super cool pleaseeee. so hung around and reached home about 12 plus. jobs laughter was DAMN funny, lydia twin too.

lydias msg in the lydia tone:

from afar and above....

i seee you.

you look like arnold schwarzenegger

without the muscles.

LOLLL. in the poetic manner.

today was a quite tiring day. i went to church this morning and apparently there's problem in my s-p-r-i-t-u-a-l life(if you all get what i mean). and then headed to lunch at food junction and novena, then went to bishan library. had tution with mandy and shermin. was reallly tired as it was maths. then headed to toa payoh and walked about there. went to dads place aft that. slack around and saw a few people changed their physical features quite alot,and chatted with tammy. then met up with shi ying and charlotte, talked about studies and all, and charlottes now taller than me. we were playing games with daryl and my bro and micheal and shi ying. it was so funny pleaseee. laughed my lungs out.lucious or lucas(whats his name again,lol sorry forgot.or how to prononce it) was another freaking joker. he looks so diff from the starhub ad he shoot. so we were all hanging around and went home at about 10. then my grandma sent me to my moms home. and slacked for quite long and her i am. blogging.

hahaha. ok, thats all about my weekend. tom i will have lack of energy.

plus lots of maths hw.

BYEEEEEE((:

listening to really nice songs.

2007-01-18T18:28:00.000+08:00

BOOO!

school was usual today, yeah

lit was damn boring today.so i lunch-ed at compass today,with anita,nadia and foong yi. we ate at macs, then later i walked around with nadia, and gladys(for a bit)

nadia is so cool. she cuts her own hair.im gonna be in shit.): i cant remeber all the hw, gonna do them later. commonwealth essay is OMGGGGGG > ): i have to write one of those hard topics for 1200-1500 words!! DIE. a normal compo only like 300 or maybe atmost 600

but 1200 is horror.anyway, i sort things out.im positive((:

ahhhh! its so horrid, my purple colour nail polish is coming off.

i wanna go for rains concert.

2007-01-17T17:17:00.000+08:00

YOYOYOYOYO.

okay, so school is fine now.

i dont sleep in class that often or maybe not even. ((:

im dead tired as i just came home.

so today i was LATE LATE for school.

but it was trueeeee! there WAS a traffic jam > ):

i think im gonna find a maths easier than e maths.

i just need to open my eyes and think

SS was boring)):

i went to causeway and ate with pris at macs for lunch.

so im shit broke.

avril is damn hardworking. i should be like her ):

i hate my damn hair and shit face.

i love emo songs.

toddles for now.(:

2007-01-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

my mother is so freaking annoying.
she just cant leave me alone.
goshhhhh. i have both maths 4 times a week.

2007-01-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

YEAPOS.
finally blog for dont know how many months alr since school started.
GOONG 2 FINALLY OUT, dont know if ill watch
what'd you all think?
im so dead tired now, ill be sleeping beauty at school tomorrow,
amaths is hard, IM COPING.
finally able to do the whole question on my own.
5 hours of sleep left to go.
i've finally taken the time to re-do my old blog.
BLOGGER IS LAGGY.

toodles for now.
i have lots to update but was lazy to.

i saw andrea and marcelle and chloe yesterday.
BYE

2006-11-20T14:12:00.000+08:00

i haven't been blogging for a really long time and i need to get the momentum back.

pris! im sorry i overslept again. i need a new alarm clock, i've been like oversleeping all the time when im suppose to go pris house, ah, damn it, SORRY PRIS.

i keep wanting to dye my hair but i always lose my chance.
forgive me pris.

2006-11-02T19:18:00.000+08:00

the sky turned purple yesterday.

2006-11-02T18:46:00.000+08:00

as requested to update from uh, i cant remeber who, but alot.
guess my blog been dead for a while now.

waiting for pris to make me the blogskin. shes a pro.
loveeeee.

waiting for the next
2H cliques 2006, 2H reunion!

i had sweets day, with all the goofy nice sweet stuff,
they were expensive, some at 5 bucks,some at 3
ate them at vivo(: upload the pics later for them.

dance competion was a bit shit.

i miss the name bob, will never forget it!
rock climbing eh.

watch death note, its a really very nice movie.
see you then, ill end her with the nice pictures!
i love the songs,it makes me rememebr good and bad times

bye!<3

the marshmallows.

the fun times we had! retarded faces

see the good food!

look! its the cat we were scared of.

some things were not meant to be.

2006-09-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

okayyy.

today was a ok kinda day.

oral went fine, xcept i blew up the 3rd paragraph.

cant believe we girls had a talk and joked/laughed before the oral

lq cried because her pen had no ink,

of course lah, see her name alr know.

like wtf pls. sorry, didnt mean to say that.

rivervaled. bublle tea, AGAIN.

with pudding this time

the skit in the day was kinda ok,

but it wasnt that clear you see.

or it'll be even more funny.

i have many names. miss wahaha ep 1

go to prisc blog to check it out!

i found a quote website.it rocks too must,

i shall quote.

you are only given a little spark of madness. you musnt lose it.

2006-09-26T00:34:00.000+08:00

i'm in a foul mood now.

for goodness sake, the dont-know-how-many-times,
this has happened yet again.
i bought a new pen, few hours old, and went missing on the way home.

what kind of freak shit is this. omg.
this sucks and its pissing me off.

then again, for the dont-know-how-many-times,
my mom wont just freaking shutup!

hearing her talk sucks. she sucks.
she should just knw im am bloody hell trying to concentrate on studying.
she have really bad mood swings.
way unresonable pls.

what the hell she wants me to do?
talk back nicely to her when she screams at me?!
what kind of a damn life is this mann.

the shit kind of -loads of revision, sucks big time.
so much to revise in sucha short period of time,
im just gonna go crazy.

sunburn on my back hurts.
i dont feel like typing any longer.

2006-09-16T01:47:00.000+08:00

ok, updating.

september hols was just shopping all the way till got bored of town.

that sunday was just disastrous.
overslept totally.

vomitted on either monday or tuesday.
dont know, cant rmb.

thursday was uber funny, the skit was just funny lah.
shalini and the rest was just super good actresses.
look:

expand, [a-b] square.

answer:

[ a - b ] square.

compass with beatrce, akina, gillian and vanessa.
ate at pizza hut.
fight broke out there with sjc girls.
bunk was super rude pls.

dont want to talk abt it, i stared.

see you.
bye

2006-09-02T18:53:00.000+08:00

Hello.
ok i seriously need to stop waking up at 3pm big time.

ok, mom and my bro is really funny now.
i didnt know my bro fell down last week which, he slid on the road side while on a bike, then his pants broke a hole, and he scrapped his piece of meat above his you-know-what!

hahahahaha, omg, this was what my mom said

me: why did you cut his long pants to a shorts?
mom: because his pants broke a hole what, RMB?!?!
me: huh? what? since when?
mom: last week! rmb, he fell down and he scraped his skin above the you-know-what
and i brought him to the doctor?
me:oh is it? ahhahaha!
mom: YOU MEAN YOU DIDNT KNOW YOUR BROTHER WAS SUFFERING FOR A WEEK?!

hahahaha, omg, i didnt know, and
P.S. THIS IS REAL TOP SECRET FOR ANYONE WHO READS THIS
CANNOT SAY IN FRONT OF MY BRO.
hahahaha

and we are going to watch movie today, see what happens when
WE, discuss abt our dinner

mom: i already boiled soup for dinner lah!
darren: ok! good, lets have soup, rice and veggies for dinner
me: huh, but i dont want leh, it sucks
mom: yeah, i also dont want
darren: i know, i got an idea, lets eat popcorn for dinner
mom: its not even proper and filling,
darrne: ok, how bout hot dog bread?
mom: (speechless)huh? go ask what ur sis say
drren: lets have hot dog bread at the cinema for dinner
me: okok! good idea
darren t mom: seeeee, je jie also say ok
me: but then its so ex and not filling
mom: ya loh ya loh
darren: but i want hot dog bread!

hahahahhaha! suoer funny if you personally hear it.

my brother is singing she bang she bang in the toilet now.
haha.

got to go!
bye

2006-08-30T23:58:00.000+08:00

okay, so now, im lazy to update, just super lazy to type!

i havent do science mindmap yet! ohgod.
rock climbing on monday was fun, i think my arms just went back to normal,
go beatrice chua kaiwens blog and read what happen luh!
sorry! :)
i hung there for 20 minutes!

today was alright lah,
waited for beatrice till abt 4 then go compass.
with akina and her of course
bearice was a total mess,
i bet it was her worst meal ever!
hahaha!

seeyouanyway!
bye!

2006-08-11T00:46:00.000+08:00

hey,
okay okay, im gonna blog abt tuesday and today.

TUESDAY.
"this is what gladys wrote in her blog, im quoting it, cos im lazy to write, sorry cashier."

went out with jill,shar,pab,shaks,val,deanna,ctee and chant.
some watched the lake house,some watched click.

shar & gladys went to buy dessert,

gladys: aunty,i want no. 12
aunty: hong mao liu lian
shar&gladys: ohshittttt.i thought we said we want soursop not liu lian?
shar: aunty,we want soursop.
aunty: yeah lah,hong mao liu lian
modern guy stares/smiling at us.
modern guy: next time must say,ang moh durian.
shar: aunty,i dont speak chinese.

HAHAHAAHHAHA! i bet the aunty was laughing her ass off.
it was just stupid.

went back,we were telling deanna that what we were eating was hong mao liu lian.
gladys:eh,this is hong mao liu lian.
deanna: no,its soursop lah!!!
shar&gladys: HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
hilarious.

TODAY.
omg, today was seriously fun.

woke up at abt 2.45 pm...watched some tv..then until abt 3.30 i rmbered that i had art homework so i did my art in front of the tv, haha. i finished at abt 6

it was ok,

i was late to meet mom at orchard for dinner, oh god,
bad sign
but i was doing art ok!, so i called mom to tell her
to get a seat and wait for me, was supposed to meet at 6.40
but was there at abt 7.10

ate beef noodle at wisma, the aunty was so weird lah, told her i dont want tao gay but wont listen, keep asking if i want meatballs

oh well..nvm

then finished eating at abt 8pm, walked around, saw a skirt i want.
too ex, mom wouldnt buy
i think ill save up to buy..

went to isetan, saw loads of nice stuff
reasonable price,
mom wouldnt buy COS
WE'RE GONNA GO KOREA.
money to be spent there unless
we are not going
lots of nice shoes too
and theres this nice pants and beads i want

sigh, im scared theres not enough time to study
mom asked me to bring my books there to study also

the flight is like 1st september..in the september holiday lah..i dont know if its right to go, but momsays the price is good

HOW?!?!

and she most probaly will not allow me to go East Timor
im sad, and depressed now.
i love East Timor.

well, well see how it goes, big finance problem on cash, must SAVE!
went to taka

shopped everywhere, saw stuff we want, but korea lah

then went to zara, bought a shirt, cheap one lah,
too bad we could buy loads if not for korea

then met petrina and family at taka
what a coincidence
ben was so cute, hyper as usual

then dad was suppose to pick us but couldnt make it last minuteso went home ourselves
and reached home abt 10 like that?

then mom was making me laugh like hell,
stomach was super pain, ahhahaha
i havent done chinese and home econs hw finish, shit,

anyway, bye.
deanna

2006-08-07T19:42:00.000+08:00

what hurts the most is being so close

what does this mean? is it really true..?

so random, but i think some of you just dont get it

2006-08-07T18:06:00.000+08:00

hey!

haha, sorry..i was super lazy as you all know.. so i didnt blog..im making up for it now.. :)
ill just blog down whatever i can rmb i did last week..

LAST TUESDAY.

school was fun, teacher forgot to come to class to teach, haha and it was just fun talking and chatting with pris and gladys. chatted through the whole "free" period..

then when to ps with them.. okok, we ate at pastamania AGAIN and creamy chicken AGAIN.
Gladys was like the queen or princess or whatever you call her, she didnt even got off the chair once even since we entered, we ordered and SERVED her everything, she ate the slowest summore.. haha

=)

LAST FRIDAY

went to town at abt noon time at 12 like that.. met up with priscilia to shop! we brought 70 bucks out to shop, walked the whole day up till abt 4 plus 5, pris went to meet christina, im happy i bought stuff =) went all around town..

then went novena, took like some stupid bus and keep getting down at wrong stop, went to some dinner near thomson there for some church stuff, ate and heard the message, went home.

SATURDAY

didnt go town to watch tokyo drift with friends! sorry!

went to grace house for meeting, was fun cooking! i learn home econs ok! ahaha, then talk and talk until abt 5 plus, decided not to go and watch don moen at FOP. wanted to go dads house but then later dad couldnt make it, guess ive not met him for past 2 weeks..im sad.

reached home abt 6 plus 7

SUNDAY

went to church as usual but except that i decided to go met up for breakfast. woke up late, jabbing the alarm off again and again, haha, bad sign mann

went for combine service, it was so RED, haha was fun, espiecially in one song, it felt high
haha, woah.. after that went for lunch in the market and then went to give out fliers for our up coming church stuff

then went to watch tokyo drift was super nice kay, i wanna go tokyo and see whats it like there!
expected the movie to last longer, i wanna watch click and lakehouse maybe on tuesday after NDP celebration, a class gathering, how cool, haha

the end.
thats it for the week, will try to blog and update more ofter as willingly as possible
haha, bye
deanna

2006-07-27T16:46:00.000+08:00

hello.

ok..kelly keeps forgetting that my name doesnt have a H! today english was fun, it was like free period. was talking to priscilia and gladys about our siblings and ours dreams and nightmares, and ghosts and weird stuff, but funny. seriously the way gladys and priscilia said abt their siblings was just funny.

ok, im sad once again. i think i screwed history.
this SUCKS big time.

ohoh, why does the nature have to go against me now, i know the rain feels comfortable and makes me wanna slp. i love the rain. dont do this to me.

i have to study for home econs and science.(p.s. i dont know a thing abt chemistry. ohgod-pls help me.) i still have econs project and the ws.

bye.

2006-07-25T16:48:00.000+08:00

okok..im having random thoughts now.
dont blame me mann..

okok..i saw a cute fat cat ytd when i was on the way to school..haha.

IM DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW.
IM DISSAPOINTED.
I SCREWED MY MATHS PAPER.
I DIDNT EVEN TRY HARDER.

im sorry..

i am hoping that english will be fine.
i wanna cry now...hais..
i dont know for lit either.
i REALLY wanna do well..

i promise i will study for my final year.

im scared and worried for science.
i just know im gonna screw it.
i dont understand a thing.
i HAVE to study.

im really tired. REALLY.
for so long..i slp like 3 hrs straight for 2 days..
im feeling really weird..

my mind is so sad.
today when i sat in class,
i feel this deep deep sad feeling.
i have a feeling it can go deeper but i was just trying to control it
i just feel like ignoring everything.

although it just makes me laugh when it comes to delmo
or rubbish stuff like weilian or whatever,
i was lucky i could laugh.
the more i tried forgetting the more it comes.

i want to laugh!
we are stupid people..

2006-07-23T02:04:00.000+08:00

hey!

okay okay...im having random thoughts now..
haha..i watch THE POTATO FACTORY just now..so nice, i just love it mann..
it was about some ill-fated women who was wrongly accused and all that..was some english show like from holland..the title sounds weird i know

and im starting to love full matal alchemist..its just too nice.. the thing about alchemy is really interesting like science, but science just sucks..and and and..i like the ending song..the voice is so soft and gentle yet at the same time it sounds so strong and like firm, the melody is just so comforting :):) wthell am i talking abt..lol..firm..yes it is...

haha.. im starting to love one piece too..although i watched it before.. i dont know why its nice..

ohohoh..i just finished studying geog, not yet actually, im gonna continue tomorrow and i really hope i do well for geog mann..i dont wanna watch myself screw up the whole paper without studing..i suck at maths too...i totally forgot what the teacher taught me before holidays..
like im so gonna die..and i suck at it big time..

ytd i forgot to talk abt drum lesson..
it was super fun mann...at first was so mafan,..have to do the wrist exercise thingie..then have to learn all the drum name and all that..the notes are easy..but with the timing and the combo of ur hands and legs..it becomes hard..but ive got the hang of it :) i can play till the second line! yays..i wanna play more!

okayokay,.its bloody freakin 2am..
im gonna gt my slp now..so gonna die of lack of slp in church later..
like 6 hrs of slp!

till' later then :)

2006-07-22T01:05:00.000+08:00

hey!

i dont know where to start..haha..well, school was ok today..
geog was fine but x'cept that i was doing home econs :) art was fire..was doing stuff with fire! :)
after recess was like tini was calling me elmo and gladys got shocked mann..
like she was the one telling tini that but she just forgot bout it! wat bad memory..haha

cme was fine.. x'cept that i was doing this sketches for gladys and beatrice dnt project..
they were totally clueless about it..like " we chose this design because skateboards looks like they are fast and this makes our toy car fast" like what? so outta point mann..gladys..ahahah!

i need the home econs file gladys!

ytd we were talking abt science fiction stuff in english and kelly was the alien finder and she found gewen! a alien...oh mann..was so funny..

im ssupper bored now...ive been pon-ing dance like every week! like how?!?! im sicka and tired of this cca and super lazy to go for it..it just sucks!

okok..im done..
bye peeps!

2006-07-17T19:27:00.000+08:00

ARGH! I BANGED MY FOOT AT THE BED 3 TIMES ALREADY! ITS SO PAIN! LOOK WHERE IM GOING MANNN!

2006-07-17T17:07:00.000+08:00

look who's back! haha..
mannn i just noticed something.. i have listened to HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL :):) like the whole of last week till today..haha..and im still not sick of it..ahhaha..love the show.. oh yeah..another thing i noticed..IVE BEEN HAVING STOMACH ACHES EVERYDAY FROM LAST WEEK TILL TODAY..i just dont know why..feels so sick can...keep going to toilet..hais..i just hate it..

CT3 is like next monday..and i havent even started studying yet! i didnt even know CT3 was next monday till today! AHHHHHH!!!! im soooo gonna die mann...please help me!! im gonna die in the following subjects i think..ranking from the worst ones to the best..
1) science. I SUCK AT CHEM! I DONT KNOW A THING!
2)geography. i dont really know how to do the structured question ones..like hell no!
3)history. maybe this is not so bad, but i suck at source base! need practice.
4)maths. i dont know why but i just get the wrong answers for SIMULANEOUS EQUATIONS
i am trying really hard! help me!!
5)home econs. i rock it i think! but ill just have to read the tb.
6)english
7)literature. i love this sub..just read the book can liao..

thats all for the subs..I SERIOUSLY WANT HELP AND NEED SOME. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO AND NEED TO DO WELL FOR CT3 SO THAT I WILL GET TO DO 7 SUBS.!!!!

today-
woke up late at like 5.50am. rushed to school on time and as usual..didnt know how i managed. didnt sleep in class :):) ohohoh..tomorrow theres chinese spelling and history short test..just need to read the notes for history and learn those easy words. i love the chinese teacher..she doesnt scold and teaches well! haha.. history had lots of hints and no structed and source base..jiust MCQ and fill in the blanks and one sentenced question..

and i got booked by mrs ho today..like damn it! i didnt do maths homework..wat a pity..and there goes my cert for clean records! i should have done hw!..

hais..i have load of things to study and learn and my homework check list is like super full! oh well..i better get started!...

going to work hard! pray for me ppl! haha..sounds lame i noe.
bye! deanna.

2006-07-16T22:57:00.000+08:00

oh wow! yet another day to start with..
good night..as ill be posting yet another post on the pages of my life..
lame.ok ill just start off with this morning.

HI.

this morning was okay..went for breakfast at macs with isabel..then went for 2nd service.. as there was mentoring from 2-4,.. decided to follow mom, aunty lai peng and shermin..and so and so-. for lunch. i should not have folowed them!

was invited to watch pirates...and there goes my chance! mom just knw how much i wanted to watch that show..so she just simply didnt allow thou dad allowed! i was really angry with mom and still AM!.. like @$%^& can! hais...

i did a really long face!..and im glad i did that!..of course i was being cheerd up by my friends..and just thank the few of them..

well then no choice..ill just have to wait for my dad to get me the dvd.. so then i slp all the way till abt 7 plus 8.. ate my dinner..watched the mummy show..half way then i went back..hais..yet another dissapointment..i wanted to watch that amazing show too..stll have YET to watch hamburger...ahhh...

well lots of hw to catch up too!..im simply lazy like a pig..lots of work to do mannn..
homework, devotions, lots of things on my mind just makes me sad..i dont want this kind of busy life..hais..well then i just have to clear them up. i need shemac! haha..jkjk..hopefully she doesnt read this!

thats all for now! bye!
deanna.

2006-07-16T01:02:00.000+08:00

heyhey..

came home a while ago from edena's sis 21st bdae bbq chalet party at pasir ris.. was superrr fun..ahhaaha..okay ok..so im very happy now.. :):)

i was super late to go for the chalet party..mannn..i overslept for like sooooo long..and then i broke my record for waking up late at like 4pm...was suppose to go in the morning..like omg can...hais...well.wat can i do...

so i reached there at maybe say 6 o'clock. too bad i didnt get to play all the games stuff! missed them..the chicken wings were just simply great..maybe i ate abt 20.. the other food were also nice..except i didnt eat those spicy ones..got chicken wing, hot dog, satay, bee hoon, fried rice, stingray(wrapped in aluminium when cooked..suppperrrr nice)i didnt even noe was there was such a thing for bbq..and prawns..the cake was nice too..mango cake..tried the sour berry thing that we didnt know it was sour..was sooo sour..was funny but ok after all..

went to ben and jerry's to eat ice cream..supper ex mann...ate the strawberry one..was nice and creamy but melts fast..lots happened too..met benjamin and di hong(im nt sure if spelling is correct..so pardon me if its wrong..) haha...so yeah..many things happened..guess it was fun eh.. im glad i enjoyed it.. :):)

well then tomorrow im gonna go for breakfast before service..hope i wont be late...
so im gonna leave for bedtime now..see ya folks..ahaha
im being lame...bye!